Page 144 - April Issue

mama me-time | food for the soul
mother, baby & child April 2011 First, when such a tragedy did not know what else I could
happens the sadness invades
your world. A beloved husband,
a dedicated father, an amazing
man, all these suddenly gone.
After a while comes the anger.
You look for someone to blame,
you wonder why everybody
else is happy, while you are
the only one suffering like this.
My sisters had their husbands;
their children had their dad.
No one could understand
what I was going through, and
it made me feel even more
alone than I already was. Then
I remembered my girls; they
were not very young when it
happened, they were teenagers,
but is there an age when losing
your dad is less difficult?
They still needed him, for children move out of the family
so many things. I still needed
him. How could I be a mother
and a father, when I was no
longer a wife and struggling
even to be a woman? As time
went by, people around me,
friends, and family, had to carry
on with their lives. They went
home together, laughed, ate,
looked at the sun in the sky and
listened to the sounds of nature.
Still for me, food had no taste,
the sky was grey, and all I could
hear was the sound of my tears.
Confused, I did not know where
to go, which direction to take,
or even where to start. I had to
think about the rest of my life,
be strong for my daughters.
When you are young and ready
to face the world, it is easy to
start something new, but when
your world is destroyed after
years of happiness, starting all
over again feels like the highest
mountain. And your life is on
the other side. I had all I ever
wanted, and I never thought it
would change. I did not know
what I wanted anymore, and I
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do. I was at the time living in a and having guests, as I never
little city, where I knew many
people. After a while, some
friends helped me find work in
a shop, selling men’s clothes.
Step by step, life came back
to me, I started smiling again.
I was still mourning, crying a
lot, and I hated seeing pity in
people’s eyes. I just needed
time, wanted time to remember.
Since I had started working in
the shop, I had learned so many
things about myself, how
strong I felt for slowly making
it on my own. Before I knew
it, my daughters had grown
into beautiful women and
had started their own lives.
Although it was a different
kind of separation, having my
home was also very difficult. At
least when they were around, I
had to take care of them, always
putting them first. I suddenly
had to take care of myself, of
the woman inside who had been
shut away for such a long time.
I decided to move forward and
started my own little business. I my children, something that
opened a shop, because at last
I felt ready to stand on my own
two feet again, ready to take
life into my own hands. I was
not going to suffer any more, or
be the victim, the poor widow. I
was doing so well! People loved
my shop, my business; I put so
much effort into making it the
most beautiful window of the
city! My friends and family were
proud of me; I was regaining
confidence and self-esteem.
Most importantly, I was proud
of what I had achieved. I was
reorganising my life, after
moving out from the family
house, as the memories were
holding me back. I settled in a
new place, made it my home.
I really loved receiving visitors
liked being on my own. But
when the guests left, I was still
facing the loneliness at home.
It was now time to move on in
my life as a woman. I met a man
who was treating me
“When you are
young and ready
to face the world,
it is easy to start
something new,
but when your
world is destroyed
after years of hap-
piness, starting all
over again feels
like the highest
mountain.”
well, who made me feel like a
woman again. We got married
quite rapidly, maybe be too
quickly. Maybe I also had too
many expectations based
on what I knew from my first
marriage. I was trying to get
something back, without ever
trying to replace the father of
was impossible to get. My first
husband was gone and no other
man could ever take his place.
But at that time, I needed to be
selfish and think about myself,
and although my daughters
disagreed, I did not listen. I
guess I needed to learn by
making my own mistakes, and it
was not long before we ended
the marriage. Of course, we had
moved in a new house together,