Page 76 - April Issue

the new family | sheltering your kids
notes AbuAli, have shown that
too much sheltering can lead
to complications later in life.
“Such research indicates that
children may have difficulties
making decisions in adulthood
and difficulty maintaining
relationships,” she says as well
as when these children enter
adolescence, their desire to form exploration,” she advises, “When
their identity and individualise
from family increases. During
this time, parents might become
overprotective in an effort to
shield their children from making it can be an indication of too
decisions that they feel are
harmful, explains AbuAli
Also too much sheltering
can create a lack of problem
solving skills that are vital for factor is how such rules are
development. “For example,
if a child experiences conflict
with another child parents
may take a proactive role and
“Although parents can help by
pgrmoivtvewoidindiigcatehrteittnahhatgeeepmpitcfhrhoweiailprdsirtkhioaesdwtue,agnngtgheusseoitoydpiloapunsntohsicrooetn.uua”snlndidty drawing on the refrigerator.
mother, baby & child April 2011 attempt to “fix” the problem,”
she says, adding, “Although
parents can help by giving the
child suggestions and mediating
if asked, they should provide
them with an opportunity to
create their own solutions with
appropriate guidance.” Parents
of younger children might fear
that if their children play or
partake in any physical activity
that they will get hurt. “For
example, I worked with a mother
that was extremely afraid of
allowing her nine year old son
to swim and as a result the child overprotective as an indication
became anxious and afraid,”
76
she asserts, stressing that young a lack of trust. If parents always
children enjoy exploring the doubt the child’s ability to make
world around them. “I often their own decisions and making
see parents worry that their comments such as “you’re too
child’s active nature might young to know what is good
result in them getting hurt. for you”, the child may begin
Although safely rules should be to react with resistance, notes
explained, parents should find a AbuAli.
balance between safety and self
Childhood without End
a child is receiving a message
that they should be fearful and “This has been the most
are incapable of taking care protected generation in history,”
of themselves in all situations, says Mark Thompson, director of
counselling at Colgate University.
much sheltering.” It is normal He points to car seats, bicycle
for parents to worry about helmets, and even wood chips
their children, and appropriate under park swings. Because
rules must be set, however she Gen Y has been reared in a
suggests that the most important “risk adverse” way, they tend
to be psychologically fragile,
communicated to the child. robbed of their own identities,
“Parents should listen to how and unable to feel a real sense
the child is feeling and allow of accomplishment for their
efforts. They have no sense of
accomplishment because Mum
praised and posted every single
Psychologist David Angeregg
them the opportunity to express says, “They were not free to goof
themselves without judgment,” up, make mistakes or just fool
she says. around.” Parents forget that no
one child is good at everything
Older Children and people learn by failing.
Because they were not allowed
For older children and especially to explore, take risks or fail,
adolescents, AbuAli points out many in Gen Y feel disconnected
that overprotection often results from themselves. Some campus
in conflict and tension within psychologists like
family. “As teenagers strive Dr. Paul Joffe of the University
to gain their independence of Illinois link binge drinking,
parents may become weary and experiments with drugs and
overly protective,” she says and illicit relations and self-cutting to
parents often describe being their need to have an authentic
experience that is truly their own.
of love and worry, however
adolescents often view this as CREDITS:
Alaa AbuAli
Counselling Psychologist
Synergy Integrated Medical Centre
04-3485452
www.synergyctrdubai.com