Page 62 - April Issue

the new family | family ties

helpful and better appreciates young age and parents must they are dependent on many
having a sibling. But it’s also bad, prepare younger children for environmental, psychological, and
because the little one messes possible separation,” she says. familial factors.”
with the older one’s stuff, and
the older one gets tired of being When the kids grow up Recommendation
‘big sister helper.’ They are
on very different play levels.” According to AbuAli, there There is no right or wrong answer.
If children are separated by a are a variety of factors that Every experience is different,
decade or more, they can grow contribute to the manner in asserts AbuAli and therefore it
up not feeling like siblings. “My which relationships work out as is difficult to predict whether
sister is 11 years older than I, and children get older. “Children in a shorter or longer gap will be
she was more like a babysitter healthy, stable, and supportive better. “Research has shown that
to me,” says Ellie, 43. “I never families often have a greater some mothers may need more
intended to do the same thing chance of developing a stronger time to physically heal, therefore a
to my own kids, but it happened. sibling bond,” she says as longer gap may be recommended,
My oldest is 21, and she moved well as child temperament however other than medical
out last year when her brother and personality traits can also conditions parents are left with the
was 9. They barely know impact how children interact in decision on how long or short a
each other.” A ten year gap, sibling relationships. “Parents gap between children should be,”
comments AbuAli, is considered should encourage their children she says and stresses that in every
long as the children are in two to interact and spend time age gap there are pros and cons
varying degrees of development, together; however they should and various factors must be taken
and the older child is entering also encourage independence into consideration. “For example,
adulthood as the other is still and allow children to form a two year old child may feel
a child. “For example, as the their own identity,” she says, upset or hurt when the parent’s
first child enters college his/her emphasising, “There is no way attention is shifted after the
younger sibling is still at a very to predict exactly how these birth of a new sibling,” she says,
relationships will work out as however as the two year old child
gets older, the siblings may begin
mother, baby & child April 2011 What parents can do to form a closer bond. A one year
old child may be too young and
Parents should prepare children before a new may initially feel less frustration;
sibling is born and ensure that the child is yet as he/she gets older can
aware that he/she is loved and is special. develop a stronger reaction. “A
Parents can help by providing individual time larger age gap may benefit the
with each child and engaging the older sibling to younger child as he/she begins to
participate in family activities. Parents should also acquire language skills,” she says,
be aware that at some level ill feelings may be “However a very large age gap
normal as children need time to adjust to a new may be difficult for both children
environment. as they get older and begin
to acquire different interests.”
Parents should allow children to express Ultimately, the most important
themselves even if they are angry or frustrated. factor is familial support, coping,
I have worked with children that get angry and and early intervention if there is
aggressive toward their younger sibling and in this extreme sibling conflict.
situation parents should help the child find healthy
ways to express their frustration. CREDITS:
Alaa AbuAli
Parents should take into account the age of Counselling Psychologist
the child, social and school environment, and the Synergy Integrated Medical Centre
developmental stage of the child. 04-3485452
www.synergyctrdubai.com
CREDIT: ALAA ABUALI

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