Page 64 - April Issue
P. 64
the new family | relationship
mother, baby & child April 2011 conflict allows children to relationships after parental Tips to help your
experience a very important divorce is mixed, suggests children cope
lesson – solutions are available Singh; “Some individuals grow with your divorce
and possible to achieve. up experiencing barriers to
“Some children begin to feel intimacy and have a difficult Parents are still parents.
responsible for resolving the time trusting their partners,” she Maintaining good
conflict so they feel guilty and says and this group also reports parenting skills during a
incapable when they don’t a higher incidence of marriage divorce is crucial to a child’s
succeed at calming mum and dissatisfaction. There is another positive development.
dad down,” says Singh and the group however that she asserts
child may begin to experience experience healthy, satisfying Positive discipline teaches
depression, anxiety or other relationships and seemed to children that their actions
developmentally regressive have used any disruption and have consequences, provides
behaviours as a result. pain from parental divorce to children with a sense of
define their own relationship in responsibility and helps them
Parents not getting along positive terms. learn self-control.
At this age, Singh stresses that Verdict Contact with dad. If
children can pick up on parental children are separated from
stress and conflict even if they Is it in essence better for their father after a divorce,
don’t know what the issues are parents to split up for the sake it is not the frequency
or don’t witness them first hand. of the kids then living together of contact that will help
“It can be very stressful for a acrimoniously? According to them cope with emotional
child to understand why his/ Singh, the answer is yes. “When difficulties but the quality
her parents project so much parents struggle to model of contact. A father needs to
negativity,” she says and in turn, conflict resolution for their remember that he is not a
this negativity is most often children or healthy relationship friend, an uncle, or an older
communicated through verbal functioning the majority of the brother. Children who have
and non-verbal communication. time it is often recommended a father with great parenting
Singh also reminds us that since that they separate to allow for skills will be better adjusted
children (and adults) are sensitive some balance for the whole emotionally, socially, and
to things like tone of voice, family including themselves,” academically.
facial expressions and hand she emphasises, adding,
movements, which are universal “For many children news of Co-parental cooperation.
indicators of emotion, they can separation comes as a relief Children should not see their
pick up on these signs. when parents have been parents fighting. Studies
stuck in a cycle of negative show that when bad blood
When these kids grow up interactions.” Separation and between parents continues
divorce can sometimes lead to to boil, children absorb some
How will divorce affect the better interactions between of the steam. If parents can
children in the long-run? “If both parents but also in the hold a civil relationship, their
they processed the divorce parent-child relationship and the next step is to establish a
and their parent’s role in a relationship between children cooperative strategy in raising
psychologically healthy way because the daily triggers aren’t the children.
they are likely to create strong surfacing anymore.
positive relationships later on Social support. Friends,
in their life,” says Singh, and CREDITS: neighbours, relatives, adult
if this does not happen the Devika Singh mentors, schools, and sports
individual may not develop a DOH Licensed Psychologist associations can be almost as
sense of trust in relationships Dubai Herbal and Treatment Centre important as good parental care.
and may feel uncared for or 04- 3351200
unloved. The research on adult Keep the balance. Coping
techniques work in a
balance and it is important
to watch how one aspect
of post-divorce life might
affect another. It is a myth
that children of divorce
will inevitably be damaged
in some way. They will be
changed, yes, but only as
far as any experience will
change a person. With
effort and commitment,
parents can successfully
help their children through a
challenging time.
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