The hidden signs of stress in children

How to spot the quiet symptoms of distress in your child and ways to help them feel better.

When we think of stress, we often picture adults juggling too much at once – tight deadlines, bills to pay, not enough hours in the day. What we sometimes forget is that children, too, can experience stress – and they often show it in ways that are easy to overlook.

Stress in kids doesn’t always look the same as it does in grown-ups. It can be quiet, stealthy and even mistaken for something else entirely. That’s why it’s so important for us as parents to be tuned into the subtler signs that our little ones might be struggling.

Childhood stress

It might seem surprising, but even young children can feel the weight of stress. The sources may be different from ours – from school pressure, friendship drama or family changes to absorbing our own adult worries. However, the feelings are just as real.

Kids don’t always have the language or emotional maturity to express what they’re feeling, which means their stress often bubbles up in other ways, through behaviour, body or mood.

Signs to watch for

While every child is different, here are some of the more subtle indicators that your child might be feeling stressed.

Changes in sleep 

If your child suddenly starts having trouble falling asleep, wakes up frequently during the night or begins having nightmares, stress could be the culprit. Likewise, sleeping too much or seeming unusually tired during the day can also be signs their mind is working overtime.

Physical complaints

As with adults, stress in little ones can also manifest physically. Repeated stomach aches, headaches, muscle tension or even nausea with no clear medical cause are all common indicators. Little ones might say, “I don’t feel well” when what they’re really feeling is overwhelmed.

Ups and downs

Increased irritability, frequent tearfulness, mood swings or sudden outbursts can all be emotional red flags to be aware of. Stressed kids may seem more clingy, withdrawn or easily upset than usual, even over small things.

Behaviour regression

If your child suddenly starts wetting the bed, using baby talk or showing separation anxiety that you thought had passed, it’s wise to heed these warning signs. It might be their way of seeking comfort or security during a stressful time.

Difficulty concentrating

Struggling to focus on homework, zoning out during conversations or forgetting things more frequently may mean your child’s brain is preoccupied with other worries.

Eating habits

Just like adults, some kids eat more when they’re stressed, while others lose their appetite completely. A sudden change in how much your child is eating or what kinds of food they’re craving can be a signal that something’s off.

Avoidance or withdrawal

Is your child suddenly reluctant to go to school, see friends or take part in activities they used to enjoy? Avoidance is a classic sign of stress, especially if your son or daughter can’t explain why they’re pulling back.

Perfectionism or overachievement

It may seem counterintuitive, but stress can sometimes lead to overperforming. If your child is pushing themselves too hard to do everything “just right” or becoming anxious about minor mistakes, they may be internalising pressure that’s causing more harm than good.

The root cause

Understanding the source of stress is the first step in easing your child’s worries. Some of the most common stressors for children include:

• School pressure: Tests, homework, social dynamics or fear of failure
• Family changes: Divorce, a new sibling, moving house or financial strain
• Friendship challenges: Bullying, exclusion or navigating social rules
• Overscheduling: Too many activities and not enough downtime
• Global worries: Exposure to news, climate anxiety or adult conversations

How to help

What can we do when we suspect our child is under stress?

Create a safe space

Encourage your child to talk about their feelings by asking gentle, open-ended questions like, “How are things going at school?” or “You’ve seemed a bit quiet lately – do you want to talk?” Sometimes just having a chance to be heard without judgement is the biggest relief.

Hear them

Rather than brushing off their worries with a quick “You’ll be fine,” try your best to acknowledge their feelings. Sentences like, “That sounds like it was really tough” or “It makes sense you’d feel upset about that” help little ones feel seen and understood.

Bring back routine

Consistency is calming to us all, but it’s especially helpful to kids when they feel anxious or stressed. Regular meal times, bedtimes and predictable routines give worried children a sense of stability when their inner world feels chaotic.

Play and movement

Play is a natural stress-reliever. Whether it’s imaginative games, art, outdoor adventures or just running around the garden, movement and play are great worry-busting tactics that will help your child release any tension they’re holding. 

No adult worries

Children don’t need to carry adult burdens. Try to keep grown-up conversations about money, conflict or world events out of earshot when possible as kids are more canny than we often realise! If your child does overhear something, offer a simple, age-appropriate explanation to ease their concerns.

Practise calm together

Deep breathing, mindfulness activities or even just five minutes of a head rub can help soothe an anxious child. You don’t need to be a meditation expert by any means – even dimming the lights, putting on soft music and lying quietly together can work wonders.

Getting support

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your child may continue to struggle. If their signs of stress persist or begin to interfere with everyday life, it might be time to reach out. Your doctor, school counsellor or a qualified child therapist can help you and your little one navigate their worries with care and confidence.

Stress is a normal part of life, even for kids, but when it goes unnoticed or unaddressed, it can quietly chip away at their wellbeing. As parents, we may not be able to shield our children from every challenge, but we can be their safe place by staying attuned to the more hidden signs and offering gentle, consistent support.

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