Supporting a worried child

Helping your little one tackle their worries is a tough task. Let’s take a look at an approach that comforts and empowers them.

When a child is very anxious, it presents a precarious position for many parents. The natural instinct is to find immediate solutions to lift your little one out of this feeling, but sometimes this can put pressure on them, causing even more anxiety. It’s so easy for children to get caught in this loop of worry. However, with a little bit of knowledge, helping an anxious child becomes a lot more manageable.

Avoid jumping to solutions

Leaping into problem-solving mode is the initial reaction that so many of us feel when our little one is in the grips of an anxious episode. You may want to swoop in and ‘fix’ the situation but this isn’t always what’s best for the child. They aren’t going to be able to settle down if you’re focused on cleaning up around them. So pause for a moment and comfort your little one. There will be lots of time to resolve the issue and help them regulate their emotions. Meeting your little one wherever they’re at will signal to them that you are on their side in this, that you’re not dismissing their feelings and that everything might really be okay. The key is to empower them to overcome the anxiety themselves over time and one of the best ways to do this is to avoid solving all the problems on their behalf.

Understand the emotion

Seeing a little one in the throes of worry when it seems there isn’t too much to worry about can be somewhat confusing. Remember that the worry your child is experiencing may not make sense to you at first. This doesn’t mean that it isn’t a very real experience for them. Saying “Oh, it’s not that bad”, “That’s not such a big deal”, or “What are you worrying about that for?”, are all pretty unhelpful phrases when your little one is feeling anxious. Instead, try to put yourself in their shoes. When you’re young, certain things that seem harmless to adults can be a real source of worry. Consider saying “I can see that you’re feeling really upset and worried, would you be able to tell me what is causing that feeling?” Simply empathising and asking for their input really goes a long way in encouraging children to feel their feelings, and therefore resolve issues, rather than pushing them away to move past them. 

Realistic expectations

The root cause of the worry can be almost anything. Perhaps it’s down to difficulty making friends,  fear of speaking in front of the class or anxiety around performing well in sport. Whatever the case, it’s important to set realistic expectations. It can be so tempting to tell your child that all will be well and that there is nothing to worry about. However, the next time they feel that anxiety or worry, it might be even more stressful given that a parent told them it would be okay. A better approach is to acknowledge that making friends can be hard, or stepping onto the playing field is sometimes a scary experience. By doing this, your little one will feel heard. Then, you can gently present them with ways to overcome these issues. Setting realistic expectations about how it will take a little bit of time to address the anxiety, and for it to go away, might seem nonreassuring but it will actually provide your child with a pathway towards a worry-free day. 

Building resilience

One of the keys to overcoming worry is building resilience. It’s not about ignoring your feelings, it’s about feeling the worry, facing your fears and doing whatever you feel like you can’t. This is a superpower for children. If they can learn to turn moments when they’re almost paralysed with worry into ones where they are able to let the anxiety pass them by, they will be equipped to handle so much of what life throws at them. Again, start by acknowledging to your little one that this is a challenging situation. Set realistic expectations about how it might take some determination to overcome the obstacles. Then, encourage your child to feel the anxiety and move forward anyway. Building up tolerance in this way can enable children to conquer their worries in a healthy way.

A guiding light

Lastly, it’s worth touching on the power of setting a good example for your child. If you can role model how to handle worries and anxiety by allowing yourself to experience the feelings and motivating yourself to push past them, your little one will really benefit. Just witnessing you practising what you preach, displaying the resilience and strength to take on challenges while admitting that it is hard or scary sometimes, will inspire your child to try to do the same. With you as their guide, nothing will get in their way!

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